Just Quit
Sunday, August 19, 2007
People that just don’t Quit!!!! Okay..............so here we go again........I just had this all wrote out and somehow lost it so here we go again. I have this ex you see....and he's become slightly crazy. I'm not saying that he is a crazy person I am simply saying that since we split up. I realize that I hurt him and that he probally has had his pride bruised over it. However I am not responsible to make him happy for the rest of his life. I am very remorseful over tha fact that I hurt him in the process of becoming me. I know that he thinks that I wasted three years of his life and for that I am truly sorry. I refuse to be made to feel like I need to apologize for this for the rest of my life. I am human I make mistakes.....and not only that I am the first person to say I am NOT an innocent little angel. I know that for a long time wanted everyone to believe that oh you know Nicky is this lil angle and she's so sweet and so innocent and she's just this nice lil person. I am not that person anymore. I am finally becoming comfortable in my own skin. For the first time in my life I am finally able to just be myself. I know that there are people out there that will NEVER accept me for who I am. I already know this.......I've already lost friends over it. But I have at the same time learned who my TRUE and REAL friends are. The people that accept me and love me no matter what. It is such a relief really......I no longer have to hide who I am....I'm lucky enough to be blessed with people that apparently love me no matter what. Finally I feel like it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks......I get to live for me. I don't feel like I have to hide who I am. I want to be accepted for who I am.......not for who everyone else thinks I should be. I guess you could say for the first time in my life I am not putting anyone elses life before my own. I am wanting to just live. To be happy. To feel complete. For the first time in my life I am actually happy, on my own. People have commented on it to me lately. I've lost ten pounds just by not being stressed out I think. My skin is clearing up...I'm just happier than I have been in a very very long time. When people are commenting to me that I look happier....that I am acting happier it's nice. I dunno I've blogged on this before. and I started this blog so long ago...like over two hours......I just keep going back and forth about what I want in here exactly. I want people to understand that while yes I know I hurt him I am tired of feeling badly about it. I am over it. I messed up.....I am human........I make mistakes......I am not perfect......imagine that. I am simply me. I sometimes cry over stupid things.......I laugh at the most inappropriate moments..(thank god I have Rena and E to laugh with me at those times..lol) I get nervous over stupid things......I crack the stupidest jokes...I fall asleep when people are being absolutely adorable and sweet to me......simply because I push myself so hard that when I do finally relax.....well I crash I guess. lol Anyways I guess I'm done.....I probally made no sense in all of this.....I just like to rant and rave when it's on my mind. okay BLAH I am done. lol
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